Interview: The effects and impact of having a toxic manager

In this tell-all interview, Kepi Roberts, Global Marketing Operations Manager at MiQ bravely shares her experiences of operating under a toxic manager, and advice for anyone who finds themselves in a similar situation.

First up Kepi, what’s been your personal experience when it comes to toxic management?

With a career in marketing spanning 15 years, working in Australia, Singapore and the UK across several industries in global and local roles, I’ve had many managers… And while I have learnt from all of them, one discombobulating and extremely stressful experience taught me alot more about myself and what makes a good manager than all the others.

What made this bad management turn toxic was the see-saw of contradictions and inconsistencies. On any given day, my manager would either micromanage or give no direction, over-communicate or withhold info, be available or absent without explanation, demand perfectionism or provide no feedback, even their praise and criticism was unpredictable and inconsistent. It was like having two very different managers in the same body, and you never knew which one you were going to get.

How did this specifically manifest itself into your work ethic? 

Because of the micromanagement, I was having to seek approval for my decisions and my work - only to be told when I sought approval that I needed to be more autonomous. But then if I acted with autonomy I would be reprimanded!

I developed a fear of taking action and started overthinking even the most basic task - I was walking on eggshells, focusing more on how to appease my manager than how to do my best work - it was debilitating. My manager would create barriers between me and my colleagues and limit access to business info and resources - all of this impacted my performance, my morale and my development.

Retrospectively, what were the warning signs that you were working for a toxic manager?

Googling ‘is my manager toxic?’ was a pretty big giveaway that something was wrong… 

But before then, because there was no overt verbal abuse or harassment from my manager, my experience was psychological, the warning signs took a while to manifest. I began to feel anxious and like I was losing my mind - I started taking detailed notes after weekly calls so I could prove to myself I wasn’t crazy when my manager would contradict themself week to week. 

Over time, I went from being a confident marketer who loved my work to feeling insecure and incompetent. When the anxiety developed into panic attacks and started impacting my personal life, that's when I knew I had to do something to protect myself, and I made the decision to resign.

And lastly, any advice for someone who might feel like they are in a similar position?

A toxic manager can not only derail a career but negatively impact your personal life and cause long-term damage to your mental health. 

My advice to anyone who is not happy in their job because of their relationship with their manager is to not sit still. If you haven’t already, research toxic management and coping strategies - not only are there countless resources online to help you understand your experience, it can help you feel less alone and less like you’re the problem - because trust me, you’re not the problem. 

Make people at work aware - if you don’t feel there are people in a position to help and support you, try to trust in someone - at least you know you know you tried to find a solution and let them know what is happening. 

And lastly, don’t be afraid to resign… It can be terrifying, but when you weigh up the damage of staying in your current situation versus removing yourself from it - just remember, you are worth so much more than that! 

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