My journey with Mental Health
My name is Nick and I am one of the founders of Coteam. I’ve written a lot of content and blog posts in my time, but this is by far and large the one that is most personal. It’s currently Mental Health Awareness week in the UK, so I wanted to take a moment to share some of my own trials and tribulations with issues at hand. I feel that despite all our societal progress in recent years, that people still simply don’t talk enough about the way they are feeling, so I write this in the hope that it can inspire even just one other person to open up and do the same.
My journey has a pointed, obvious milestone in the timeline from which I, for many years, blamed for the state of my mental wellbeing. But to explain that, I need to take a few steps back and share my story.
Several years ago, my fiancé passed away suddenly and unexpectedly. Like Joan Didion outlines in book the Year of Magical Thinking, his passing “obliterated the dailiness of life”. The grief that followed “weakened my knees and blinded my eyes”.
Opening up about this experience is something that has taken me time, but equally, my inability to do so for long took its toll. My mental health suffered irreversibly.
I had already experienced years of depression and anxiety, but his death was a catalyst into the deepest realms of despair. Trying to find answers where there was none, I self-medicated through alcohol, trying to mask the pain, but this self-perpetuating cycle only led me deeper into the rabbit hole. The long-term ramifications of this are still occasionally evident in my ability to deal with stress and change.
It took me five years before a counsellor finally convinced me to take antidepressants. Whilst the medication was one step in my eventual recovery, it was by no means the ultimate solution.
What had a far more lasting impact were some significant lifestyle changes. I discovered through exercise, meditation, and my diet, I could regain greater control over not only my emotions, but my overall outlook on life. When I think about my ability to deal with uncertainty, these were practical tools that gave me the foundations I needed. Through the application of Tiny Habits: a short meditation, yoga, walking, eating better etc, I suddenly felt more in control and with greater clarity than I ever had before. In turn, this allowed me to open up to others about my experiences in a more objective way. I have seen this in many of the leaders and executives I have coached over the years, whilst I have never explicitly spoken about my experiences, they have played an integral role in my approach to becoming the best person that you can.
Looking at things now through the rear-vision mirror, I realise that I wouldn’t be where I was without this significant life event. I am happy again. Very happy. I accept that we don’t move on from grief, we move forward. I am fortunate enough to be a digital nomad running my own business. For all intensive purposes, I am “living the dream”. But to say that hasn’t taken, and still takes, a lot of hard work is an understatement.
Working as a leadership coach and learning designer, I am fortunate enough to see people go through periods of growth and transformation. Whilst my experiences with mental health sit on a very extreme end of the scale, I’ve come to realise just how important it is for anyone and everyone to become more attuned to it. The biggest problem I see is that people are too scared to lift the bonnet up, afraid of what they might find. I want to change that, because no matter whether it comes to family, friends or work, real change always starts with self. Whether you are dealing with conflict in the workplace, trying to strengthen your relationship with others or even just giving yourself the permission and space to reflect, there are many practical tools and techniques that can have a significant impact on your mental wellbeing, and in turn, your ability to make better decisions.
This is what led me to Coteam. Realising that leadership isn’t just about following management frameworks and exerting control, but rather it is about empathy, openness, and vulnerability. There is no one-size-fits-all approach, and to humanise the very notion of leadership is what gets me out of bed every day.
We all have mental health. It seems a shame that we only deem it necessary to dedicate one week of the year to talk about it.